Excuses

If I were really your friend, I’d tell you the truth, wouldn’t I?

I’d tell you that the difficulty in relationships is not all because they won’t behave well. I’d tell you that you wear your feelings on your sleeves, that you have a chip on your shoulder and it gets bumped off a lot.

I’d tell you not all they say is cruel or crazy but you hear it that way.

I’d tell you, you are not the only one who hurts. I’d tell you there are two sides to every coin.

I’d tell you it hurts to see you hurt. And I’d tell you it hurts to see you hurt others.

But I’m afraid to tell you. I’m afraid of how you will react. I’m afraid I will make you angry. Afraid I will hurt you and make you cry. Or scream – at me, or not. Afraid. So afraid.

Love. Maybe that’s it. If I loved you enough I would tell you.

Shame. Guilt. One heaped upon the other. But that’s not altogether the whole of it. I do love you. I know I do, ‘cause I’ve watched and listened, examined and prayed . . . but still I can’t tell you. I think I know why. I’m afraid you don’t love me. So what do I do? Love takes time. Time to decide. Time to watch. Time to see.

Faithful. Faithful I must be, so you will see.

So I’ll keep praying and waiting, praying and waiting for love to grow, and one day perhaps we both will know HE has told us so.

Holy hugs, kt

Praying for These