Monthly Archives: May 2020

A Passel of Pain

I read something today that disturbed me – obviously, I am here writing. When I captured it for my laptop the title it gave itself was amen.

It read this way: “Staying in a relationship just because you love somebody is not worth it. Love is not all you need. Respect is what you need. Reassurance is what you need. Happiness is what you need. Knowing every day you’re their favorite person is what you need. Learn to love yourself instead. 

I can’t give this a strong amen but it bears consideration. Obviously, there’s a passel of pain being experienced when this counsel is given.  

So, relationships are complicated; they are not meant to be but they are because fallen humans are conflicted. And conflicted people think self-centered more often than is healthy for them or others.

Friend relationships. Those can be vacated when one is unhappy in the relationship and the rifted might not be a long-lasting wound; so, in that, I can concur.

Family relationships. They can be and usually are conflicting, complicated, complex, and often downright aggravating, but when it’s the family we don’t walk away, not without extenuating circumstances and a Word from The LORD to seal the deal.

Marriage. That’s a new ballgame. Respect and happiness. O! yes we want those but in my many years of messing up I have discovered and Scripture confirms that you gain respect and happiness by GIVING it and continuing to give it even when at the moment you are not getting it back. Marriage is a covenant – well, godly marriages are covenants and they are the kind that endure through lack; when we feel disrespected and forgotten and ignored and second or third or last on the list of importance. Do I sound experienced? I am.

No-fault divorce. There is no such animal. There is plenty of fault to go around when there is a divorce; it’s not just one or the other; it’s both. And if Both open their Bibles and their hearts to the Spirit of the Living GOD, the marriage can be saved, and not just saved but thrive with respect and happiness and assurance and a whole lot more. Do I sound experienced? I am.

We jump out of marriage way too easily, to the determinant of ourselves and to those who love us.
I’m not saying no marriage is without cause to vacate but I am saying more marriages could be saved than are . . .

And the last point: love yourself.
And to that:
loving one’s self unselfishly is above unregenerated humans’ pay grade.
Only The Spirit of the Living GOD highlighting His Word in us can teach us how to do that!

A healthy love for ourselves is predicated on GOD first, and the GOOD of others (as directed by The Scripture) before our own happiness.
And shall we remember happiness is overrated? It fades when the happening fades.
Now, JOY (holy love for GOD, for others AND ourselves) is long-lasting; eternal, even.

So, shall we vacate? What did GOD say when you asked Him?